79 replies to this topic

[BobaTad~HH]

Hey guys, it's been a while. I might need some advice or support. Idk.

Spoiler

If you didn't see in my blog I am not feeling too great. My Anxiety and Depression has been getting worse, school has been pressuring more things on me, Tad d!ed, My GF breaks up with me for "a sweeter, prettier Girl than you", and Tads de@th was also not concerned or cared about at school since it's just a hamster... ALL in one month...

Sorry for venting, I dont really have many people to talk to but my parents. ):

[top tier hippo]

Alright, this might be really long, so sorry about that. I am just really stressed about this and I would appreciate absolutely any help I can get. Not major trigger warnings, just some anxiety and a lot of touch aversion stuff. 

 

Spoiler

Basically, I have this *mild* touch aversion thing. All my life, I've been kinda playfully poked at for not liking hugs or kisses (from grandma, or whatever), so I always just saw it as a funny little quirk. I got extra attention from it, which I kinda enjoyed and kinda hated. When people say, "Oh, yeah, she doesn't like hugs, haha," you don't really get an idea of how severe it can get in the future, and you kinda just let is slide. For years. And it grows. 

 

I'm trying not to blame anyone, including myself. I won't get anywhere that way; searching for solutions will be a much better method, I know, than to just sit in self-pity. But. I do wish somebody had made it clear that it was a potential issue that could offend people when I was younger, so I could hopefully have corrected it. Oh well. Not much point dwelling on the past. 

 

Anyway, I'm getting a little better. I'm okay with throwing an arm around a sibling, or hugging my best friend. I don't like hugging anyone I dislike (but I think that's pretty normal haha). It might feel a little awkward when siblings touch me, but I've gotten over that for the most part. Especially since my siblings initiate the touch most of the time. Sometimes, I'll make myself put a hand on someone's shoulder or whatever, but it's usually them.

 

Now, hugs. Uhhhhhhhh............long sigh. And a groan. I just...it's not that I hate them. It's not that I hate the people. I just don't know why, but I don't like them. They're awkward, and I'm physically close to people, and it's just...weird. I'll go through phases when someone touches me, and I don't like it, and I can feel it ten minutes later, like phantom pain. But phantom touch. Other times, I'll go through phases where I can easily be touched and there's literally no issue with it. None whatsoever. Or I can even touch others intentionally and be fine. 

 

Like I said, siblings, friends, that's okay. 

 

But in the past six years, I have given one of my parents maybe one hug. (I literally don't even remember, and I'm leaning towards a no.) It's not that I'm super touch-starved, since I can touch almost anyone and have almost no issue with it plenty of the time. But I can't even talk to my sisters about it because all I get is criticism (believe me, I've tried. The oldest one [who is insensitive and a jerk some of the time] called me an a$$**** for it. She doesn't understand, and she doesn't try to from what I can tell. But it's a real issue with me, and she doesn't get that. My two older sisters just see me as a jerk daughter who refuses to hug her parents. 

 

It's my parents, and I don't dang know why. And it hurts them, I think. At least my mom. Never been particularly close to my dad, and none of my siblings hug him except for my little brothers. But when I see my sisters hug my mom with no problem, I get jealous, and I think I've hurt her feelings time and time again by flinching away when she touches me. Not afraid, just really uncomfortable, so I avoid her a lot. 

Car drives...I can feel the tension that's probably only in my head, and she probably doesn't know why I'm stressed about that. 

 

Now, it sounds like it's severe, probably, at least in regards to my parents. But it's not that bad. I could make myself do it right now, get up and hug my mom, without having a panic attack. I might get shaky, but I could do it. It's not a phobia, just a dislike. 

 

I'm probably overthinking it, and it doesn't help that I've eaten terribly today and I had coffee, and I'm stressed, and I've been batting with panic attacks all week. So sorry if it sounds like I'm being super dramatic. 

 

I would really appreciate any help you guys can offer. Sorry if this is really long or incoherent. 

 

I would think that what I should do, and what I'm kinda planning on doing, is getting into a talk with my mom, and asking if she can start initiating touch. I've been so long programmed into this way of thinking, and she knows that (because I've said so), so she doesn't touch me much. This way, if she starts doing it, I can learn to tolerate it better. 

 

Does this make...any sense?

[Iszie]

Alright, I’m sorry I can’t think of anything helpful at the moment. But if you ever need a laugh, watch the Loki series. The amount of times it made me smile is incredible. 

[midget7]

Hey guys, it's been a while. I might need some advice or support. Idk.

Spoiler

If you didn't see in my blog I am not feeling too great. My Anxiety and Depression has been getting worse, school has been pressuring more things on me, Tad d!ed, My GF breaks up with me for "a sweeter, prettier Girl than you", and Tads de@th was also not concerned or cared about at school since it's just a hamster... ALL in one month...

Sorry for venting, I dont really have many people to talk to but my parents. ):

 

*hugs* I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult time lately :( and there's no need to apologise for venting - that's what this thread is for! I hope it helped to get it off your chest.  I'm sorry to hear about Tad and your GF (honestly, if she's going to say something that unkind to you, you deserve better than her imo  ) It sounds like you're dealing with a lot all at once, and it's ok to step back, let yourself feel upset, and take it one day at a time. I promise things will get better xx

 

 

Alright, this might be really long, so sorry about that. I am just really stressed about this and I would appreciate absolutely any help I can get. Not major trigger warnings, just some anxiety and a lot of touch aversion stuff. 

 

Spoiler

Basically, I have this *mild* touch aversion thing. All my life, I've been kinda playfully poked at for not liking hugs or kisses (from grandma, or whatever), so I always just saw it as a funny little quirk. I got extra attention from it, which I kinda enjoyed and kinda hated. When people say, "Oh, yeah, she doesn't like hugs, haha," you don't really get an idea of how severe it can get in the future, and you kinda just let is slide. For years. And it grows. 

 

I'm trying not to blame anyone, including myself. I won't get anywhere that way; searching for solutions will be a much better method, I know, than to just sit in self-pity. But. I do wish somebody had made it clear that it was a potential issue that could offend people when I was younger, so I could hopefully have corrected it. Oh well. Not much point dwelling on the past. 

 

Anyway, I'm getting a little better. I'm okay with throwing an arm around a sibling, or hugging my best friend. I don't like hugging anyone I dislike (but I think that's pretty normal haha). It might feel a little awkward when siblings touch me, but I've gotten over that for the most part. Especially since my siblings initiate the touch most of the time. Sometimes, I'll make myself put a hand on someone's shoulder or whatever, but it's usually them.

 

Now, hugs. Uhhhhhhhh............long sigh. And a groan. I just...it's not that I hate them. It's not that I hate the people. I just don't know why, but I don't like them. They're awkward, and I'm physically close to people, and it's just...weird. I'll go through phases when someone touches me, and I don't like it, and I can feel it ten minutes later, like phantom pain. But phantom touch. Other times, I'll go through phases where I can easily be touched and there's literally no issue with it. None whatsoever. Or I can even touch others intentionally and be fine. 

 

Like I said, siblings, friends, that's okay. 

 

But in the past six years, I have given one of my parents maybe one hug. (I literally don't even remember, and I'm leaning towards a no.) It's not that I'm super touch-starved, since I can touch almost anyone and have almost no issue with it plenty of the time. But I can't even talk to my sisters about it because all I get is criticism (believe me, I've tried. The oldest one [who is insensitive and a jerk some of the time] called me an a$$**** for it. She doesn't understand, and she doesn't try to from what I can tell. But it's a real issue with me, and she doesn't get that. My two older sisters just see me as a jerk daughter who refuses to hug her parents. 

 

It's my parents, and I don't dang know why. And it hurts them, I think. At least my mom. Never been particularly close to my dad, and none of my siblings hug him except for my little brothers. But when I see my sisters hug my mom with no problem, I get jealous, and I think I've hurt her feelings time and time again by flinching away when she touches me. Not afraid, just really uncomfortable, so I avoid her a lot. 

Car drives...I can feel the tension that's probably only in my head, and she probably doesn't know why I'm stressed about that. 

 

Now, it sounds like it's severe, probably, at least in regards to my parents. But it's not that bad. I could make myself do it right now, get up and hug my mom, without having a panic attack. I might get shaky, but I could do it. It's not a phobia, just a dislike. 

 

I'm probably overthinking it, and it doesn't help that I've eaten terribly today and I had coffee, and I'm stressed, and I've been batting with panic attacks all week. So sorry if it sounds like I'm being super dramatic. 

 

I would really appreciate any help you guys can offer. Sorry if this is really long or incoherent. 

 

I would think that what I should do, and what I'm kinda planning on doing, is getting into a talk with my mom, and asking if she can start initiating touch. I've been so long programmed into this way of thinking, and she knows that (because I've said so), so she doesn't touch me much. This way, if she starts doing it, I can learn to tolerate it better. 

 

Does this make...any sense?

 

I think your plan sounds really good! I don't experience touch-aversion myself, so others might have better advice, but I've found that gradual exposure is the best way to get used to something that makes you anxious. Since it's hard for you to will yourself into initiating touch with your parents (which is totally understandable!) it makes sense to ask your mom to do it instead. Just make sure that you set boundaries and don't let her go overboard to the point where it gets too much. (Going a little bit out of your comfort zone is good. But not so far that you get panic attacks, etc. might take some experimentation to see what you can handle!)

 

Also, have you noticed any patterns when it comes to you being touch-averse? Like, does it tend to come on more when you're feeling low or stressed? Understanding your triggers might help to manage it as well. Wishing you the best xx

[top tier hippo]

 

 

I think your plan sounds really good! I don't experience touch-aversion myself, so others might have better advice, but I've found that gradual exposure is the best way to get used to something that makes you anxious. Since it's hard for you to will yourself into initiating touch with your parents (which is totally understandable!) it makes sense to ask your mom to do it instead. Just make sure that you set boundaries and don't let her go overboard to the point where it gets too much. (Going a little bit out of your comfort zone is good. But not so far that you get panic attacks, etc. might take some experimentation to see what you can handle!)

 

Also, have you noticed any patterns when it comes to you being touch-averse? Like, does it tend to come on more when you're feeling low or stressed? Understanding your triggers might help to manage it as well. Wishing you the best xx

Aww thanks <33

 

I haven't identified any notable triggers that make it substantially worse. It's kind of phases, where I just randomly get touchy about it (or the opposite, I guess haha). 

 

I talked to my mom, and she thinks I'm just overthinking it. She said if it makes me uncomfortable, I really don't have to worry about it. I don't offend her. I asked her point-blank, and it's good. I think I would still like to get better acquainted with the idea of being touched by her (and my dad to an extent), so I'll practice not flinching and things like that when she touches my shoulder or whatever.