3 replies to this topic

[Alis]

Hi, I didn't really think I'd be making this into a topic, but here we go again xD

 

So essentially in about a few months, I'll start taking midterms and finals ( I know that sounds weird because in some places kids start taking midterms/finals starting middle school which I've past by now, but the school system's a little different currently ). I'm abroad this year and it would be way too complicated to explain so I'm just going to get to the point.

 

Basically I'm already stressing about these things which haven't even happened yet. Because I'm not going to be here for the rest of my education midterms and finals I'll be taking here don't really matter hugely, but even beyond that, I feel like I'm trying too(?) hard to impress myself. I'm disappointed in myself so often for a variety of different reasons these days, and I'm stressing about "Oh, what if I fail midterms- gosh, that would be terrible". And I think it's worth pointing out that a) I have never taken midterms/finals before ( Different from just tests/quizzes, I believe ) and b) I've never really had to study or work hard to get a high score on a test before. I know that's wrong, but things just played out that way in the past, and because of that when I do, now, work hard for something and end up ruining it, I'm just so, SO disappointed in myself, more so because having to study so much for tests is new to me and that's kind of another reason for panic. ( I'm referring to the present, btw, but because of that it's affecting how I feel about future and bigger tests upcoming )

 

 

I also believe it's just a cherry on top of everything else. While I do think that I'm doing quite well, there's things, probably minor, that just follow me around everywhere. Worrying what others think of me, my upcoming test, wondering how I'm going to balance my time with reading/meeting friends when there's so much work to be done, a test I know for sure that I messed up on, and also there's that I no longer have a school account back at home meaning I have no way of getting information of the courses/ways of signing up to the school that I'm to attend when I come back except for asking my friends who either share very little information, making me feel bad to keep asking them in case they find it annoying, or they just say "IDK".

 

There's also that I'm worried there won't be enough space in the courses I want to take if I come back too late, if I'll struggle keeping up with the curriculum there as it's very different from what I'm learning here, and also, there's this lingering thought at the back of my mind that even though I want to attend that school, that I want to go back I also want to stay because there's so many lights that this experience has brought to me. etc. etc.

 

So I guess the two main things I'm trying to ask are 1) How do you cope with stress like this? How do I sort out/clear my thoughts and stop worrying earlier than necessary? 2) Does anyone have any time management tips? It's just that I have had almost no time to read or anything these days, and I'd really like to as I got a couple new books but I read a little into the first one and my bookmarks been on that page for like, a month now. But at the same time, that time has to be used to study... :/

 

Any advice appreciated! I also would like to add this- I don't mean to be mean and I really appreciate any kind comments but I would rather anyone not write any comments like "Don't worry, you'll do fine. Be yourself " or something along those lines- as I said before, I really do appreciate kind comments like these but these types of comments don't actually really help with anything I mentioned above, and although that's not anyone's fault it makes me kind of doubt that that can actually happen. ( That's a me problem xD )Thanks

Edited by Alis, 25 November 2021 - 09:53 PM.

[IsAnyoneThere]

Hi, I didn't really think I'd be making this into a topic, but here we go again xD

 

So essentially in about a few months, I'll start taking midterms and finals ( I know that sounds weird because in some places kids start taking midterms/finals starting middle school which I've past by now, but the school system's a little different currently ). I'm abroad this year and it would be way too complicated to explain so I'm just going to get to the point.

 

Basically I'm already stressing about these things which haven't even happened yet. Because I'm not going to be here for the rest of my education midterms and finals I'll be taking here don't really matter hugely, but even beyond that, I feel like I'm trying too(?) hard to impress myself. I'm disappointed in myself so often for a variety of different reasons these days, and I'm stressing about "Oh, what if I fail midterms- gosh, that would be terrible". And I think it's worth pointing out that a) I have never taken midterms/finals before ( Different from just tests/quizzes, I believe ) and b) I've never really had to study or work hard to get a high score on a test before. I know that's wrong, but things just played out that way in the past, and because of that when I do, now, work hard for something and end up ruining it, I'm just so, SO disappointed in myself, more so because having to study so much for tests is new to me and that's kind of another reason for panic. ( I'm referring to the present, btw, but because of that it's affecting how I feel about future and bigger tests upcoming )

 

 

I also believe it's just a cherry on top of everything else. While I do think that I'm doing quite well, there's things, probably minor, that just follow me around everywhere. Worrying what others think of me, my upcoming test, wondering how I'm going to balance my time with reading/meeting friends when there's so much work to be done, a test I know for sure that I messed up on, and also there's that I no longer have a school account back at home meaning I have no way of getting information of the courses/ways of signing up to the school that I'm to attend when I come back except for asking my friends who either share very little information, making me feel bad to keep asking them in case they find it annoying, or they just say "IDK".

 

There's also that I'm worried there won't be enough space in the courses I want to take if I come back too late, if I'll struggle keeping up with the curriculum there as it's very different from what I'm learning here, and also, there's this lingering thought at the back of my mind that even though I want to attend that school, that I want to go back I also want to stay because there's so many lights that this experience has brought to me. etc. etc.

 

So I guess the two main things I'm trying to ask are 1) How do you cope with stress like this? How do I sort out/clear my thoughts and stop worrying earlier than necessary? 2) Does anyone have any time management tips? It's just that I have had almost no time to read or anything these days, and I'd really like to as I got a couple new books but I read a little into the first one and my bookmarks been on that page for like, a month now. But at the same time, that time has to be used to study... :/

 

Any advice appreciated! I also would like to add this- I don't mean to be mean and I really appreciate any kind comments but I would rather anyone not write any comments like "Don't worry, you'll do fine. Be yourself " or something along those lines- as I said before, I really do appreciate kind comments like these but these types of comments don't actually really help with anything I mentioned above, and although that's not anyone's fault it makes me kind of doubt that that can actually happen. ( That's a me problem xD )Thanks

 

 

Ok, I don't want any of this to sound condescending so please don't take it that way. I'm also not going to give platitudes

 

I don't know your age, but from your references to "mid-terms" I assume that you're in your teens? If you're older, this still applies btw, this is just me recognising things that are common.

 

First up: EVERYone* your age is feeling the same thing (*if you're female**, you'll find that males will be feeling this too just a couple of years later. If you're male, then you probably will have seen your female friends have their meltdown  a year or so ago)

(**talking biological sex here in terms of the hormones that are happening in your body, not gender!)

 

Basically, everyone goes through the exact same thing, but people aren't good at talking about it, so everyone thinks that it's just them feeling it :( So as I said firstly: it's not you, and everything you are feeling is normal, and even though it's not "good", it's basically what people will all feel. And here's the worst part: it literally never goes away haha xD This is what adulting is! As a child, your brain doesn't acknowledge the wider consequences of anything (which is why kids are awful lol - they just cannot see what the consequences of an action will be). For girls, this realisation kicks in around age 11/12, which is why you'll see girls this age acting a lot more mature, while for boys it typically takes a few more years (hence the "ughh, boys are so immature" you've probably heard a lot!). So the realisation of consequences is good in that you eg. realise that "if I kick this football through that window I'll get in trouble", but also gives the realisation of "if I fail this..... x y z will happen". This is where the anxiety and stress comes from.

 

The upcoming exams/midterms/whatever you call them, sure, they will be different from the quizzes you've done in the past, but there is an absolute $£&^-ton of info out there on the internet to help you prepare. If you feel that you're not prepared for the test, then look up previous tests. Trust me, they'll be out there on the internet, or at least similar ones will be. Do them. Then do them again under test conditions. Force yourself to sit for however long the paper will be, and do a test like that without your notes. Then mark it. Then do it again.

 

Get used to that pressure and also learn the stuff you need; the practice and the experience of trying them will take the fear away from the tests. The fear of failing yourself won't go away, but what you *can* do is mitigate that by knowing that you did absolutely everything you could to do the best you could do. The worst feeling is getting a failing grade and secretly knowing that you deserved it because you could have prepared better. If you try your absolute hardest and still get a failing grade, then that is when you go find a teacher or a tutor to figure out where and what is going wrong. Similarly, if when you're trying to learn something it's just not "going in", go find someone to help. 

 

In terms of managing the stress, make plans. Make lists or timetables of what you need to do and when, checklists of stuff you know and stuff you need to revise and stuff you need to ask for help on, etc. It will massively help settle your mind if you can see it all planned out.

 

If you want, I can send some of the materials we have been using in school this term. My tutees (female, age 15) are doing their GCSEs (end of school exams) this year and they have the mock exam (which I guess is like your midterm?) in January, so we have been coaching them through this stress right now. They have a weekly planner for what they are going to revise, plus a flag system for what they are going to actively go and ask for help on. And of course, that wonderful feeling of the ones they can tick off because they're happy with them PM me if you want to chat further or want any of the resources

 

[edit to add: this brain-change literally happens between age 9-ish and 25-ish, so when I say "teen", it's anywhere between around 9 and 25]

Edited by IsAnyoneThere, 25 November 2021 - 10:53 PM.

[Kikya]

Hi, I didn't really think I'd be making this into a topic.

So I guess the two main things I'm trying to ask are 1) How do you cope with stress like this? How do I sort out/clear my thoughts and stop worrying earlier than necessary? 2) Does anyone have any time management tips? It's just that I have had almost no time to read or anything these days, and I'd really like to as I got a couple new books but I read a little into the first one and my bookmarks been on that page for like, a month now. But at the same time, that time has to be used to study... :/

Any advice appreciated! I also would like to add this- I don't mean to be mean and I really appreciate any kind comments but I would rather anyone not write any comments like "Don't worry, you'll do fine. Be yourself " or something along those lines- as I said before, I really do appreciate kind comments like these but these types of comments don't actually really help with anything I mentioned above, and although that's not anyone's fault it makes me kind of doubt that that can actually happen. ( That's a me problem xD )Thanks

The way I cope is I write down all the things I need to get down and I put them in order of things that need to get done first to things that can wait. If you have a bunch of things at once, try to do a few things off the list a day and then take a break to do something for you, like read a book =) but set yourself a time limit of 1 hour or whatever you can spare.

Also, look at the list and try to figure out if there's anything you can ask for help with or drop off the list. Or if it's chores or something, ask your parents if you can put it off because you need to do these other things first.

Evaluate, do you know your materials? Have someone test you, if you know the material then perhaps it's time to get your studies a break. Also, don't study the night before the test, just let you brain settle and sort the information out, so you'll be well rested.

If you have any other other specific questions, feel free to reach out. =)

Edited by Kikya, 26 November 2021 - 02:05 AM.

[midget7]

IAT has made some great points, but I thought I'd add some things re: the worrying, exam prep and time management.

 

Dealing with worries:

 

It's totally normal to have exam stress, and it can be a positive thing - something that motivates you to study. But sometimes the stress can inflate and start having a negative effect on you. There are ways you can manage your worrying and stop it from getting out of control. First, you need catch the thoughts that are troubling you. I'll use the one in your post as an example: "Oh, what if I fail midterms- gosh, that would be terrible."

 

With "what if" thoughts, we tend to catastrophise and think of the worst possible outcome, but how realistic is this outcome? Yes, there is a chance you might do badly in your midterms. But, by revising effectively, you will minimise the chance of this happening. Like IAT said, all you can do is try your best in preparation for your exams. The outcome of the actual exams themselves is currently out of your control, and it's not worth your energy worrying about that.

 

Perhaps a more helpful way of phrasing this thought is: "I would really like to do well in midterms but, regardless of the outcome, they are a learning experience that I will benefit from."

 

So, identify the worrisome thoughts that are bothering you. Ask yourself, is this thought helpful? Is there a more balanced way of thinking about this that is more likely to help me achieve my goals? Is there anything I can actively do to solve this problem, or am I wasting my energy by worrying about this?

 

It's easier said that done, and I'm not trying to tell you to stop worrying -- which, frankly I think is impossible, since everyone worries about things! -- but the key here is to prevent yourself from fixating on those worries and letting them get the better of you.

 

It sounds like you're very harsh on yourself, but remind yourself that you're in school and you're still learning. This is your first time experiencing a more serious set of exams, so of course it's going to feel overwhelming at first. You're not going to figure out the perfect revision strategy straightaway, especially when you're used to taking easier tests. But with time and experimentation, you'll figure out what works for you.

 

Exam prep and time management:

 

On the more practical side of things, I'd recommend finding a revision strategy that involves active recall, e.g. flashcards, and regularly using it to go over class material to make sure you understand it. Practice questions are your best friend - both questions targeted at topics you struggle more in, and questions under timed conditions so you can get used to exam technique. Revision timetables are a good idea (or if, like me, you can't stick to a timetable, try a revision checklist.)

 

If you're worried about taking courses and exams when you return to your previous school, is it possible for you to contact teachers at that school to get more information on them?

 

Something I always say to younger students is: find a study routine that's sustainable and won't lead to burnout. If you feel like you're constantly working and don't have time for a break, is there a way you can cut back on study time? Are you spending hours making pretty notes when the time could be spent more effectively practising questions? Do you have a good study environment that helps you to stay concentrated, or do you keep getting distracted? Sometimes, you could be doing everything right, but you still feel as though it's not enough. In thise case, are your goals realistic? Maybe you're striving for perfect grades, when it's perfectly okay to get 80% rather than 100%.

 

As for the reading, I've had the same problem as you! I've found, the easiest way to read more is to make it a habit. Swap out time spent on something you don't find very fulfilling (e.g. scrolling through social media) and replace it with reading. I also like to read while eating breakfast, and before bed. It's easy to feel like you have zero time to read, but it's very possible to make time for it by cutting back on other things.