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[midget7]

Usually I will edit a chapter within an inch of its life before posting because I am apparently a less-than-healthy level of perfectionistic...

 

But with this chapter, reading it back filled me with such intolerable cringe that I am just dumping it straight on here so I don't have to look at it anymore lol. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it... I sincerely hope you like it more than I do 

 

 

Chapter 19 - Star-Crossed Lovers

 

Kai

 

The school library was dark and empty, but the door was unlocked. Kai pushed it open and flicked the switches, causing the dangling ceiling lights to stutter, then illuminate. There was a curious thrill to being here after school had ended, almost like they were on a secretive adventure, somewhere forbidden.

 

Or it would be thrilling, were he not here to be tutored on English Literature. Kai placed his satchel on a round, wooden table in the fiction section, and busied himself gathering all of the set texts from the shelves: The Sign of Four, by Arthur Conan Doyle, Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare, All My Sons, by Arthur Miller, To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee.

 

He’d laid out all of the books in a neat row on the table, when the door was shoved open. “Sorry I took so long,” Jerry said. “Stopped by the vending machine ‘cause I was hungry.” He crashed down at the table with his typical lack of finesse, sending the books in disarray. Kai noticed that his beanie was missing and his voice was clear. It appeared as though the weekend’s rest had allowed Jerry to bounce back to normal again.

 

Jerry offered Kai an open bag of salted popcorn. Kai took one, because it seemed polite, though he felt too nervous to be hungry. He had no idea what to expect from Jerry’s tutoring. Would he be strict? Lenient? Judgemental? Jerry had seemed to have a lot of faith in Kai’s intelligence, but he’d only ever worked with Kai in maths—he’d probably lose that faith when he realised the extent of Kai’s ineptitude in all his other subjects. “I’ve tried looking at all the books and I couldn’t understand anything,” Kai said, in an attempt to lower Jerry’s expectations.

 

“Oh, neither can I. Who actually understands Shakespeare? Don’t worry, I’m not about to make you read them.”

 

“Huh?” Kai said, confused. Wasn’t reading books the entire point of studying literature?

 

“Trust me, apart from All My Sons, I’ve read maybe twenty-five percent of each of the books, tops. On parents’ evening, my English teacher proper told me to read all the books for a second time to deeper my understanding. She’d no clue I’d never bothered to read them in the first place.” He gave a sly grin. “It’s all about strategy, Kai.”

 

After planting himself on a swivel chair, Jerry scooted over to the nearest library computer and logged on. He guided Kai through a series of shared folders, until he reached a set of video files. “This is where the English department keeps all the film adaptations and recorded plays. You can pick up most of the plot just by watching them. It’s way more fun than reading.” He turned to Kai, holding up the popcorn cheekily. “So, you up for a movie afternoon?”

 

This wasn’t at all what Kai had expected. He nodded in excitement. When Jerry asked him which one he wanted to start with, he suggested, “All My Sons?” It was one of the modern plays, so would hopefully be easier to grasp.

 

Jerry clicked open the video file, then, as soon as the stage appeared, he closed the window. “Actually, All My Sons is really depressing. Do you want to watch a different one first?”

 

They settled for To Kill a Mockingbird. The film was black and white, and, despite being set in 1930s Alabama, it had a nostalgic beauty to it that Kai couldn’t quite put into words. It was a tragic story of racial injustice, told through the eyes of six-year-old Scout. Jerry paused the video every so often to explain what was happening, and to give Kai contextual notes for writing essays. He also pointed out all of the themes that could come up in exam questions: race, class, gender roles, loss of innocence, and helped Kai to come up with bullet points for each of them.

 

As Kai took down notes, he wondered aloud, “Is Jem short for anything?” Jem was the name of Scout’s older brother.

 

“Jeremy, I think,” Jerry said, uncertainly. He flicked through his revision guide. “Yeah. Jeremy Finch.”

 

Jeremy was very similar to Jeremiah. “It could be a nickname for you,” Kai said.

 

“Yeah, I guess it could,” Jerry mused. “I kind of like it, actually. Jem. It’s short and snappy.” He clicked his fingers to the syllable.

 

Kai liked it too. “Would you mind if I called you that?” Jerry looked at him with a mixture of amusement and bafflement, and Kai shrank into his blazer. “Sorry. That was a weird question. It’s only because—I find it hard to pronounce your name right. I’m not good at the ‘r’ sound.”

 

“You pronounce my name just fine, Kai,” Jerry said. “But yeah. If Jem’s easier for you—call me whatever, I don’t mind.”

 

“Okay—Jem,” Kai said, testing it out. It felt comfortable to say, and didn’t make him cringe internally at his accent. Kai studied Jerry’s face for a reaction, and could have sworn he saw the corners of his mouth broaden.

 

They had only intended to study for an hour, but became so engrossed in the film, that over two hours had passed by the time they finished. Even then, they continued chatting about the story, reluctant to leave the library. Eventually, Kai sighed. “It’s getting late. I should call my mum for a lift home.”

 

Jerry sat, waiting patiently, as Kai babbled down the phone to his mother. Afterwards, he beamed. “It’s cool hearing you speak Japanese.”

 

Kai tried his very hardest not to blush in delight. He’d always been self-conscious about speaking Japanese here, afraid it would broadcast him as a foreigner, but Jerry seemed to find it genuinely pleasing. “Do you speak any other languages?” he asked.

 

Jerry shook his head. “Unless you count being able to ask, ‘Where is the toilet?’ in Spanish, I’m tragically monolingual.”

 

It took Kai’s mother fifteen minutes to drive to the school car park. In that time, Jerry made Kai photocopies of all of the relevant pages in his revision guide, as well as his classroom notes and marked essays. He was remarkably unprecious about his work. “You’re welcome to look at any of it, if you can read my handwriting.”

 

Admittedly, Jerry’s handwriting was atrocious, but Kai had spent enough time helping him to locate mistakes in his maths that he had become fairly adept at deciphering it. He’d even grown to find the untidy scrawl quite charming. Kai took copies of all of Jerry’s practice essays, placing them neatly into a folder. Jerry’s strategy of boycotting all of the compulsory reading seemed to have worked—he’d achieved A grades for most of them.

 

When, at last, they left the building, Jerry made a wayward turn. “Where are you going?” Kai asked.

 

“Bike shed. You don’t have to—”

 

Ignoring him, Kai accompanied Jerry to get his bicycle. Night had already fallen, and Jerry fumbled blindly at his bike lock, cursing when he couldn’t get it open. “Alright. Prepare to be dazzled, Kai.” He put on his helmet and switched on an attached headlight, which flashed intensely.

 

“Woah,” Kai said, shielding his eyes. White spots danced in his vision.

 

“Sorry! The quickest cycle route cuts through the countryside. There aren’t any street lights, so I need, like, megawatt bike lights to see where I’m going,” Jerry explained.

 

“Do you usually cycle?” Kai asked.

 

“Nah. My brother, Zach, drives us all to school. He’s in Year Thirteen. But he wasn’t prepared to wait around for me today, so I just dumped the bike in the back of our pickup truck in the morning.”

 

“I’m sorry Jem, I thought you’d be able to get a lift,” Kai said, guiltily. If he’d known that Jerry would have to cycle home in the dark and cold, he would have suggested lunchtime revision instead.

 

“It’s fine! I hate running, so this is good exercise.”

 

Jerry pulled a high-vis jacket in fluorescent yellow, over his coat. It put some of Kai’s anxiety to rest; at least he was taking precautions not to get run over. Jerry switched on a few more LED lights, then wheeled his bike alongside Kai to the car park, where Kai’s mother was waiting in a parked car. Kai thanked Jerry profusely—he’d learnt more about To Kill a Mockingbird in that one revision session than any of his English lessons at school—and then watched him speed away on his bike, flashing like a Christmas tree.

 

“Is that your maths friend?” his mother asked, in Japanese, as Kai got into the car.

 

“Yes,” Kai replied.

 

“He looks like the sun.”

 

Kai burst into laughter, because it was true.

 

***

 

During the next two weeks, Kai and Jerry spent their evenings in the school library, whenever they were free. They slotted in some chemistry and physics to keep it interesting, though focused mainly on English. Jerry was still adamant that All My Sons was too depressing, so they watched The Sign of Four, which was a Sherlock Holmes story, before moving onto Romeo and Juliet.

 

Kai couldn’t understand a word of the dialogue, but he was content to just sit and ogle a dashingly handsome Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo. “He’s very good-looking,” Kai said, with a sigh, as Romeo and Juliet stared at each other through a fish tank.

 

Jerry stared at Kai, a strange expression on his face. “Yeah,” he said, after an awkward pause. “They both are.”

 

And then, Kai wanted to slap himself for his carelessness. Because of course Jerry wasn’t hopelessly attracted to Leonardo DiCaprio. He’d probably been weirded out by Kai’s comment and hadn’t known how to respond.

 

A few minutes later, there was a voice behind them. “What do you two scoundrels think you’re doing in here?”

 

Kai whipped around to see the school caretaker, a broom in his fist and deep frown lines between his grey, wiry eyebrows. “Uh—”

 

“We’re doing GCSE English revision,” Jerry said casually. He made a big, circular gesture at the computer screen. “Shakespeare.”

 

“Don’t you dare try me, young man.” The caretaker pointed the broom handle between the two of them. “This isn’t a cinema. You two should not be in here watching films after school hours.” His eyes flitted to the packet of ready-salted crisps that Kai and Jerry had been sharing. “And you definitely should not be eating food in the library. I want you both out. Now.”

 

Jerry’s face fell. “But—”

 

“Do you want to be reported to the headteacher?”

 

Without another word, Jerry immediately gathered up his things. Kai did the same, and they hurried out of the library, legging it down the corridor, until they had escaped the building. Once certain they were out of earshot, Jerry burst into laughter. The sound was infectious, and Kai couldn’t help laughing too. Although, he was still shaken at the reprimand.

 

“What are we going to do now?” Kai said, after their laughter had died down.

 

“We could walk into town?” Jerry suggested. “There’s a public library there.”

 

The Mordley Town Library was a grey, low-ceilinged concrete building with a musty smell radiating from its off-green carpet. It was completely empty at this time of evening, except for a lonely librarian stacking books on the shelves. Along the back wall was an array of ancient, brick-like computers. Jerry dug out a battered library card from his wallet and tried to use his ID to log on. The brick computer rejected him. “Eh, I haven’t been here in so long, my card’s probably expired,” he said.

 

“How are we going to finish the film?” Kai said, dismayed. He wasn’t so much disappointed at not being able to watch it, but they’d spent nearly fifteen minutes walking here. He didn’t want the journey to be for nothing.

 

Jerry blew out his cheeks. “Looks like we might have to resort to books after all.”

 

Neither of them had bothered to carry around a copy of Romeo and Juliet, but they found tattered versions of the script on one of the library shelves. “We got up to the star-crossed lovers scene, didn’t we?” Jerry flicked around until he located the page. “Yep. Act one, scene five. Do you want to read Romeo or Juliet?”

 

Kai blanched. He hadn’t realised that they were going to be reading aloud. His eyes skimmed the text, uncomprehending—both parts seemed equally long and off-putting. “I don’t mind,” he said.

 

“Is it okay if I read for Romeo, then?” Jerry asked. “I know that part better.”

 

“Sure,” Kai said dismissively; he just wanted to get this over with. He flattened out his book and hunched over the lines of small, black letters, until Jerry tugged on the back of his chair, urging him to stand up.

 

“Why are we standing?” Kai groaned. It made everything twice as awkward; Kai now had to worry about what his entire body was doing, not just his mouth.

 

“This is a play, Kai,” Jerry said, shaking out his wrists to loosen up. “We gotta get in the zone.” He cleared his throat, then began. “If I profane with my unworthiest hand—” Jerry brought the script closer to his face, frowning. “Oh, I’m supposed to be holding your hand for this part.”

 

Before Kai could protest, Jerry reached out, and tenderly captured Kai’s fingers.

“If I profane with my unworthiest hand. This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this....”

 

Jerry was barely even looking at the script. And it occurred to Kai, he wasn’t just reading. He was acting. He was acting as though he had just stumbled across the love of his life, and was gazing at Kai with a moony-eyed, besotted expression that was so convincing, it made Kai’s pathetic heart flutter.

 

Kai broke Jerry’s eye contact to peer at his script and stammer through four lines of something about pilgrims and palmers. “...And palm to palm is holy palmer’s kiss.”

 

Jerry uncurled his hand, so that their palms were pressing against each other. His skin felt cool to the touch, which probably meant that Kai’s own palm had started perspiring in panic. “Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?”

 

“Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.” Kai had no idea what he was saying—he was just emitting sounds at this point. He was too preoccupied with Jerry’s face a ruler’s distance away from his; so close that Kai could count his individual eyelashes if he wanted to.

 

“O then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray: Grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.” Jerry was a natural at this. He spoke the words as though they had come from his own brain, as though they made perfect sense to him. Despite claiming earlier that nobody understood Shakespeare.

 

His commitment compelled Kai to try and take it seriously. He took his time reading the next line, memorising the words, so that he could gaze back at Jerry when he said, “Saints do not move, though grant for prayer’s sake.”

 

“Then move not while my prayer’s effect I take,” Jerry said quietly.

 

They both checked their scripts for the next line, and Kai nearly imploded.

 

[kisses her]

 

At the same time, Jerry let out a strangled cry and stepped back. He’d snapped out of character. There was no longer any trace of the beguiled romantic who had just been staring into Kai’s eyes. It had all been an act. “Yeah, let’s not do that,” Jerry said, laughing uncomfortably. The cuffs of his sweater were curled over his fists.

 

“Yeah,” Kai agreed, as his racing heartbeat decelerated like a crashing lorry.

 

“You did a really good job,” Jerry said. “Everything was pronounced right.”

 

That was a pleasant surprise; Kai felt as though he had been spouting gibberish. “Thanks. So did you,” he said, truthfully. Too good, in fact. “Have you done this play before?”

 

“Not the whole play,” Jerry said. “Bits and pieces. We studied some of it in Year Eight, and I paired up with Ferne whenever the teacher wanted us to role play stuff.”

 

Kai suddenly wondered whether Jerry had been imagining him as Ferne during that entire scene. It would explain how he could make his performance so compelling.

 

There was a thump as Jerry sat back down at the table and grabbed a pen. “Here. I’ll show you what the heck those lines actually meant,” he said.

 

They did some more reading and analysing, but Jerry no longer acted out the parts. He simply read out the words on the page, doing silly voices for the different characters, which made Kai chuckle. After some time, Kai realised that Jerry was strategically avoiding the dialogue with only Juliet and Romeo. They didn’t mention the star-crossed lovers scene again.

 

 

notes~

 

This is why I call them jemkai ;)

[lilhams~uwu]

Ahh I am honoured you not only read this chapter, but you read it twice, the dedication, my god <33 And I am very glad you stayed hydrated my friend!

It just was !! Really good! !!! MY HEART ????? 

 

Toby has my whole heart, and I don't actually have a brother but if I did I would love to have a Toby haha.

oh m god toby is best brother AHA totally understand tthat !
 

I am so happy for you that you have a girlfriend / funky friend. Like, YES my guy, you deserve it so much. And aha your story is iconic, I guess it demonstrates the dramatic variation in people's gaydars. My sister is oblivious. I, on the other hand, just assume everyone is queer until I am reminded that straights exist xD
krsmrvgmsg !!! <3333 LMAO straights ??? what ? what is that ??

 

Your brother including "and boyfriend" as an afterthought is sending me. We stan supportive siblings <3

 

we love them

I am so happy you got that HGBF reference, like I genuinely planned out that moment from the very start of writing TSTMS xDD

LOLL of course !! thats what im here for !
 

Lmao I won't lie, as a raging aroace, tinder fills me with visceral fear, but watching other people use it is wildly entertaining.

LOL i totally get that ! the concept is really weird too,, like i mean i GET it but my lord o-o
 

We mayyyy see Zev again ;) I have actually imagined a lot of irrelevant backstory for them just because I think they're cool haha.

YESSS !!! truly an icon in the community
 

Oh my gosh do not get me started on Heartstopper, it has been over a month since it was released and it is still consuming 90% of my waking thoughts. It was perfection and no one can convince me otherwise. (I have literally resorted to writing fanfic to channel my obsession instead of rewatching it for like the 5th time and am currently at like 20k words,,, in the words of our precious dorks, "why am I like this???")

 

(Also, I'm listening to the heartstopper soundtrack as I type this bc it is immaculate.)
AHHHAAAAA omg sometimes when im sad or just feel like it i go and reread heartstopper because sefmjfbngbfg it's just !!!! it's so good. and YES the TV show was SOOO good, i can't believe it's been only a month since it's been released??? also i tOTALLY get writing fanfiction LOL i think we all go through that ! (if you ever wanna share it i would love to read it!)

 

Aha I can 100% relate to being influenced by Alice Oseman when writing, if it wasn't already obvious from the fact that TSTMS is basically a trashy heartstopper rewrite but with more angst and asians lmao.

PFFT well i am always up for that sweet sweet representation!!

 

And,,, might we see some of your alice-oseman inspired original work on HH??    No pressure ofc, but I would 100% love to read it if you decide to share

it is currently a mess right now !! i have no idea if i'll ever finish but we'll see lol. thank you for being ever so sweet !!!!!
 

Ah that jerk didn't deserve your volunteering hours, lilums. Have you had any luck with volunteering since?

started helping out at the library !! worked out great lmao. 

 

I WILL GET A POST OUT FOR THIS NEXT CHAPTER !! it just might take me a bit since yknow,,,, a lot happened for my queer little heart GAH ojbbrtbmtrg <333

[lilhams~uwu]

oh my god ekfiMfnfjgndjfngrg i am screaming that was a great chapter as always AA !!! there's. there's SO much to talk about 

- SO THIS IS WHERE THE SHIP NAME COMES FROM??? that makes it even MORE cuter i am going to cry i have so much more appreciation for jemkai now

- AWWW jerry likes ! his ! japanese !!!! this is really good for poor kai avnjfdn validation for his foreign roots especially when hes basically been thrown in feeling like a stranger and tiitjhirtg it hurts my soul in a really delightful way (also i wanna give kai a huge)

- oMGG?G???? "HE LOOKS LIKE THE SUN" IS THIS. IS THIS WHERE THE TITLE COMES FROM ? YEEES.

hi im back from the dead its taking me too long to make this post omg >:000

AHHAAA don't worry, kai, you just. you said it in a homie way, yknow like 'ah yes a fellow guy to which i admire his appearance very deeply in a friend way and not in like a .... gay way pfFffft, whats? whats that???? also omg i would hate to be jerry in this situation like, 'wait i thought you were straight??? are you *insert finger guns* ??? but i dont wanna give myself HOPE jesus christ that'd be tERRIBLE!!' poor him

anyway its leonardo dicaprio although i may not really be into guys i totally understand man 

OH NO THEY GOT KICKED OUT !! thats homophobic

ayooo ???? OH MY GOD ITS ROMEO AND JULIET AHAAA, also i LOVE how jerry's a theatre kid.

i have been waiting for this moment ever since the cards have been released i just. i cant AAA rgsmrgsrg !!

oh no kai, my poor dude,,,,, 'it had all been an act' ahahahahahaha was it though ?? was it reaLLLLY ? maybe a wee bit of it was real,, ykknoowwww.
ouch 'kai suddenly wondered whether jerry had been imagining him as ferne during that entire scene.' this? this hurts

oh god jerry NOOO, having sm mixed feelings in the best way possible. again i offer more hugs, you delightful fictional characters!!! D:

this is really off topic but i am currently listening to the legally blonde cast recording rn,,, anyway i know you said this filled you with cringe but i did really enjoy it!!!

[midget7]

It's occured to me that in a matter of days, this story thread (along with HGBF) will be disappearing into the abyss along with the rest of HH. I'm sad to let it go, of course. These stories and characters have a special place in my heart - along with all the lovely readers who have supported me throughout the years.

 

HH was the reason I started writing in the first place, and over the years I've fallen in love with it. My story threads feel like a part of me that exist only in this little corner of the internet, and it's a strange feeling knowing they won't exist anymore. I *could* archive them, but I'm lazy, and I think there's something nice about letting go completely and starting again with a clean slate.

 

Plus, it's also a relief. At least I'll be saved from looking back on these threads later on with unbridled cringe xD And from the possibility of someone in my life potentially finding them and judging me (I can't be the only person who has this fear xD).

 

Anyway, I'm not sure if anyone is still invested in this story, but I'd hate to leave it on a cliffhanger. I've condensed the rest of this story into bullet points, so if there's anyone out there who is interested to know what happens in the end, I hope this gives you some sort of closure. 

 

(The bullet pointed story ended up being like 10k words - yikes - but at least it's not the 100k words it was originally - I think I would actually break HH before it's time.)

 

 

TSTMS summary

 

Recap of what’s happened so far:

 

Jerry’s finally admit to himself that he has feelings for Kai, which is incredibly inconvenient seeing as he is currently dating Ferne and his parents are the “pray the gay away” type. Despite Toby’s advice to put some distance between himself and Kai, he starts tutoring Kai for GCSEs. This does nothing to help his burgeoning crush. Kai is still convinced Jerry is into Ferne.

 

I've divided the rest of the summary into sections, so you aren't bombarded with a wall of text in a single spoiler, and if you don't want to read it all, you can pick and choose the sections that interest you. They're in chronological order, though.

 

Yuki the kitten:

 

Spoiler

• Kai gets a kitten called Yuki. He invites Jerry and Akari round to meet her.
• Jerry turns down a date with Ferne so he can go see the kitten. (Can you blame him tho?)
• At Kai’s house, they play with Yuki. Akari takes a candid of Jerry and Kai “looking so cute together” (her words) and posts it to her Instagram. Jerry is paranoid he’s not hiding his ginormous crush well enough and tries to think about Ferne instead of Kai. It does not work.
• They eat home cooked ramen for dinner. Kai tries to teach Jerry how to use chopsticks. Jerry is hopeless, so Kai ends up placing his hand on top of Jerry’s to show him how it’s done. Akari witnesses all of this unfold with far too much glee.
• Akari leaves early, giving Jerry and Kai some… alone time.
• Kai likes to paint in his free time, and his bedroom wall is covered with paintings. Jerry asks him about them, and Kai talks about all of them, except one. The one he won’t tell Jerry about is a painting of two silhouettes with their hands pressed together like the Romeo and Juliet “palm-to-palm” scene, and a bunch of six balloons floating up from between them. The balloons are the colours of the Pride flag. One silhouette has curly hair, one has straight hair.
• Jerry is starting to figure it out. He asks Kai if he and Akari are together. Kai, bemused, says they’re just friends and he doesn’t like her that way.
• Jerry panics and gets Toby to come pick him up. Cue scene:

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Toby said, as Jerry dashed out through Kai’s front door. “What’s wrong?”

 

Jerry stopped in his tracks and checked behind, making sure the front door was shut. “Call me crazy, but I think—I think Kai—might be gay?”

 

“That doesn’t seem like a crazy thought. There are plenty of gays out there, for example, moi—” Toby pretended to flick his fringe back.

 

“It’s more than that. I think—I think he might like me back.” The words left Jerry breathless. “I mean, I can’t be sure—maybe he just likes rainbows—I dunno.”

 

“He had the Pride colours in his room?”

 

“Well, in a drawing. Of two boys. Holding rainbow coloured balloons.” And one of them looked like me.

 

“That’s very gay,” Toby agreed.

 

Jerry dug his fingers into his hair in distress. “What do I do, Toby?”

 

Toby’s expression was unreadable. Then, he said, “Get in the truck. We’re going for a drive.”

 

“Where to?”

 

“McDonald’s,” Toby said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

• Toby drives Jerry to mcdonalds for an emotional support mcflurry, while Jerry talks through his gay crisis. Toby says Jerry needs to stop messing Ferne around and either break up with her or put some distance between himself and Kai, otherwise he’s not going to get over him. Jerry can’t decide what to do. Toby asks him who he cares about more. Jerry says Ferne. Partly because they’ve been best friends for years, but partly because of his Internalised Homophobia™ .
• And so he decides to cut off Kai, and agrees to go on a date with Ferne in the Christmas holidays.

 

 

Christmas break:

 

Spoiler

• At this point, Jerry has figured out he’s bi after watching pirates of the Caribbean. (I swear I wrote this bit before Heartstopper came out on Netflix and Nick Nelson has the exact same sexual awakening lmao, I guess that’s just bi culture for you.)
• Toby goes on a first date with Zev, the guy he matched with on Tinder. They hit it off. Meanwhile, Jerry goes on an ice skating date with Ferne. They have a blast and end up falling on their faces like the idiots they are.
• They share a kiss in the rain at the bus stop, which is super romantic to Ferne but Jerry feels nothing.
• Again, he goes to Toby for advice. Toby suggests Jerry doesn’t feel that way towards Ferne anymore and loves her more as a best friend. Jerry realises Toby is right and knows he needs to talk to Ferne, but she’s off to Aberdeen in Scotland to see family and he doesn’t want to break her heart over text.
• So, while he’s waiting around for Ferne to come back from ye Scottish highlands, he invites Kai round his house to “study”. Aka, go on walks with Mara and Lizard and fall in love with each other. They carry on seeing each other throughout Christmas. Hugs are involved.
• Meanwhile, Ferne is staying with her grandma in Aberdeen who has dementia and can barely even remember Ferne’s name. Plus, her parents are going through a separation because, turns out, her dad is the worst. She is having a real great time. (But it’s ok, Jerry and Prati give her lots of emotional support on their group chat. )

Ferne: my christmas wasn’t great tbh :( my dad didn’t show up. idk why. he called me from portugal for about 30 seconds, then hung up cos the signal was bad.

 

Jerry: No, that’s so sh*t Ferne, I’m sorry :’( I’m sure there’s an explanation... I don’t think he ever meant to upset u.

 

Prati: Um what? That’s kind of a d*ck move to do that to your daughter on CHRISTMAS DAY.

Prati: Ferne, if he carries on being a negligent father and you need someone to kick his arse into gear, you know who to call. *cracks knuckles*

 

Prati’s comment made Ferne chuckle weakly.

 

Ferne: it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world. i’m probably just overreacting.

 

Jerry: You’re rlly not!! If I actually liked my dad, I’d be super upset if he wasn’t there for Christmas.

 

Prati: You have EVERY RIGHT to be mad. Heck, I’m mad on your behalf. Are you sure you don’t want him pummelled?

 

Jerry: Prati I hate to break it to u but I don’t think violence is the answer.

 

Prati: Stop preaching your Catholic wisdom at me, Farm Boy. You know I’m an atheist Hindu.

Prati: Anyway, Fernando, it’s ok. When you come home, we’ll celebrate Christmas with the three of us. Gerard and I can both be your dads.

 

Ferne had been drinking the dregs of her melted ice cream and almost choked.

 

Jerry: Um sorry what?

 

Prati: We’ll need different names, though. Gerard, you u want to be Dada or Papa?

 

Jerry: NO NO NO.

Jerry: ...Can I be Mama?

 

Prati: YES. Excellent. That means I get to be the man of the family.

 

• When Ferne gets home, she immediately asks to meet up with Jerry because she wants to take her mind off her disastrous home life. She can’t wait to see him again, and plans to ask if they can officially be gf and bf.
• They meet at a café. Jerry buys her a drink and is being softer with her than usual. She soon realises why, when Jerry tells her he’s not ready for a relationship and wants to take a break. He’s been trying to let her down gently.
• Ferne feels like he’s hiding something and asks if there’s another girl. Jerry says no, but he doesn’t tell her about Kai.
• Ferne respects his wishes but is still devastated and breaks down crying on the bus home.
• She texts Prati: “I think Jerry just broke up with me”.
• Prati can’t believe it. She immediately buys some oreos and goes round to Ferne’s house to comfort her.
• Ferne doesn’t really want to talk about it, and tries to change the subject.

“You got over your crush, yet?” Ferne asked, turning the tables like a sly little wasp.

 

“Nope.” Prati didn’t elaborate. She’d come here to discuss Ferne’s issues, not her own.

 

“You still haven’t told me who it is.”

 

Prati’s chest tightened. She hadn’t told anyone who it was. Their identity remained locked away inside her brain in an impenetrable vault. But, a tiny part of Prati wanted to unlock it. Wanted to be able to share the burden of her secret with someone else. “Would it help mend your sorry broken heart if I told you?”

 

“Even more than the double-stuffed Oreos,” Ferne said, sitting up in anticipation. When Prati remained unforthcoming, she prompted, “So, who is it?”

 

“Curry,” Prati blurted.

 

Ferne face was a mix of amusement and confusion. “You have a crush on... a food?”

 

“No!” Prati cried, hating how flustered she felt. “I mean Curry in Year Eleven. Short for Akari. Akari Nguyễn.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Has this whole anime aesthetic going on.”

 

“What?”

 

“Hang on, I’ll show you a picture,” Prati said. She groped for her phone and found that she was already connected to the internet at Ferne’s house. In Prati’s opinion, when you knew each other’s WiFi passwords, you were at a pretty solid stage in your friendship. Maybe that was why she felt okay opening up to Ferne about this. She clicked on Instagram, unblocked the profile she’d refused to look at since the beginning of Year Eleven, @A_Curry_Nguyen, and presented it to Ferne.

 

“Oh, yeah. I’ve definitely seen her around,” Ferne said, peering at the most recent photo. Akari must have been experimenting with makeup during the holidays; it was an ethereal Snow Queen inspired look, with blue and silver glitter decorating her face. “She’s really pretty.”

 

“Oh my God, tell me about it,” Prati groaned. “Who gives her the right to go to school every day looking that hot?”

 

• Prati carries on scrolling through Akari’s Instagram and stumbles across a post of Jerry and Kai playing with a kitten. She’s surprised to see Jerry on Akari’s feed. And, when she looks closer, she realises that Kai isn’t staring adoringly at the kitten, but at Jerry.
• She puts two and two together, and realises why Jerry broke up with Ferne.
• She considers telling Ferne, since she and Ferne are the OG besties and her loyalty will always be with Ferne, but as a lesbian she also doesn’t wanna out Jerry. In the end, she doesn’t say anything, but plans to confront Jerry about it.

 

Year 11 Disco:

 

Spoiler

• After the Christmas holidays, the year 11s have a week of mock exams, then a disco at the end to celebrate. Kai doesn’t want to go, but Akari tries to convince him to come. In the end, Kai invites Jerry to the disco “as a friend”. Jerry agrees, and Kai knows he’ll be ok, since he feels safe when he’s around them.
• At the disco, it’s clear Kai is uncomfortable. Some year 11 has spiked the juice with alcohol and Kai downs a bunch of it to try and calm himself. Jerry is concerned and takes Kai outside to a bench. Kai explains that in Kyoto he got into a nightclub illegally and had a bad experience there, so now he finds these things kind of triggering.
• Because they’re sharing, Jerry decides to open up as well. (‘Can’t help falling in love’ is playing in the background because I am a sap.)

“Kai, you know when I said I broke up with Ferne because I didn’t like her that way?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Well, that wasn’t the only reason.” Jerry blew out his cheeks. He wished he had long sleeves on so he could bury his knuckles inside them. “I broke up with her because—there’s someone else I like.”

 

“Is she in your year?” Kai asked, looking down at his canvas shoes. The white tips still had mud stains on them from when they’d walked Lizard and Mara together.

 

“No.” Jerry’s mouth was dry. His heartbeat grew louder. “He’s in the year above me.”

 

There was silence, except for Elvis Presley’s distant singing.

 

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

 

Finally, Kai looked up. His brown eyes locked on Jerry’s, as if searching for something. Slowly, carefully, he asked, “Does he like you back?”

 

Without leaving Kai’s gaze, Jerry said, “Possibly. I’m not a hundred percent sure.” He thought about the watercolour painting on Kai’s wall, with the rainbow balloons. Could it be that Jerry had made a mistake? That it had never been him in that watercolour painting? That it had never been him at all?

 

For I can’t help falling in love with you.

 

And then, Kai kissed him.

 

• Jerry realises this is what a first kiss is supposed to feel like.
• It’s going great, until he freaks out internally and runs away, saying he doesn’t feel well.
• He runs to the toilets where he has a flashback to when Toby was kicked out of their house because of their homophobic parents, and he starts crying.
• Once he’s pulled himself together, he slips out of the boys’ toilets and is immediately pinned against the wall. It’s Prati.
• (Prati had arrived at the disco late because of taekwondo training, and had got there in time to catch Jerry and Kai snogging on the bench outside. She wants an explanation.)
• Jerry explains about him and Kai. He’s freaked out by the fact that Prati could tell something was up between them, but Prati assumes him that it wouldn’t be obvious to a straight person. Which is, incidentally, how she comes out to Jerry.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Prati promised. “But, only if you tell Ferne what’s up.”

 

Jerry looked horrified. “No. She’ll hate me.”

 

“Maybe, for a bit. But you’re her best friend. She’ll get over it. And she deserves to know. She thinks you still like her.” Prati narrowed her eyes. “Do you still like her?”

 

“No,” Jerry admitted, with a forlorn sigh. “But—I don’t know how to tell her.”

 

“Well, figure it out. It’s not fair for you to give her false hope,” Prati said. “You don’t have to tell her about Kai, or even come out to her—I get how daunting that is. But you can’t keep pretending that this ‘break’ is because you’re not ready. You need to end it with her properly, so she can actually move on.”

 

• Jerry promises to tell Ferne on Monday, when they next see each other at school.
• He wants to find Kai to apologise for running off, and Prati wants to find Akari to confess her gay feelings. They decide to divide and conquer, and text each other if either of them sees anything.
• But Kai was crushed after Jerry ran off, and immediately called his mum for a lift home. Prati catches him getting picked up from the school car park, and lets Jerry know that Kai’s left the disco. Akari is also there with Kai, but instead of getting into the car, she starts to walk home. Prati follows her and tries to catch up.
• A different car stops next to Akari on the street. Prati is dismayed and thinks that Akari is also being picked up, but as she gets closer, she realises it’s a creep who’s trying to get Akari in the car with him.
• When Akari declines, the creep gets out of the car. He starts following her and trying to hit on her.
• Prati quickly formulates a plan to get Akari out of the situation:

Prati was wearing black, ripped skinny jeans, which restricted her leg mobility. But her leather combat boots were the most heavy-duty shoes she owned, like club hammers on the base of her feet. One well-aimed stomp on his knee could send him buckling. If he stooped low enough for Prati to reach the sensitive areas of his face, she could disorient him badly, buying time to get away. Assuming the creep didn’t know self defence, and could take Prati down beforehand.

 

That was plan B. Plan A, if all went well, wouldn’t involve any violence. As a precaution, Prati curled up her fists tightly, her thumbs tucked outside. Then, she strode confidently towards them.

 

“Hey, Akari,” she said, loudly. “Let’s go. My dad’s waiting for us just over there.” She pressed her hand into Akari’s back and steered her across the road. To her relief, the creep didn’t follow them.

 

• Akari is badly shaken by what’s happened, and Prati doesn’t want her walking home alone, so accompanies her to her house. It’s cold outside and Akari doesn’t have a coat, so they end up sharing Prati’s jacket. Prati is definitely not freaking out at the fact she’s inside a jacket burrito with none other than akari Nguyen.
• When they get to Akari’s home, Akari invites Prati inside.
• Prati notices the shrine for Akari’s dead mum, and realises that Akari’s life is a lot less perfect than on her Instagram.
• Akari’s grandma makes them pho (because it is the ultimate comfort food) and Akari asks Prati if she wants to stay for a sleepover. Prati agrees.
• In Akari’s bedroom, they end up opening up about stuff.

They clambered onto the bottom bunk, and sat, side by side against the wall, leaning against pink heart pillows. “I never properly thanked you for getting me away from that man,” Akari said, quietly. “And for walking me home. You didn’t need to do all that, Prati. Especially since I know we haven’t been—friends, I guess.”

 

“Yeah, about that,” Prati blurted. “Me blanking you. Turns out, I’ve been a humongous fool this whole time, and it was all one massive mistake.”

 

“Really?” Akari nudged her glasses up her nose, and gave Prati a hopeful look.

 

“Yeah.” Prati let out a puff of air. “Basically, I thought you and Kai were together. I was jealous, so I avoided both of you. It was really sh*tty of me, I’m sorry.”

 

Akari laughed, the sound of it sweet and musical. “I guess it’s a shame for you that Kai likes boys then.”

 

Prati hesitated, anxiously. She squeezed her fists tight, drawing comfort from the twinge of nails digging into her palms. “It wasn’t Kai I had a crush on.”

 

“Oh.”

 

The silence that followed made Prati want to scream. If she had actually thought this through, she would never have waited this long to tell Akari. There was no way that she would want Prati sleeping in the same room as her after knowing this. But now, if Akari wanted to kick Prati out of her maisonette, it would be twice as awkward. Because Prati was currently wearing her leggings.

 

Then, Akari smiled, pulled the heart pillow from behind her back and squeezed it to her chest. “Well, I’m honestly kind of flattered.”

 

Prati was getting very mixed signals right now. “I thought you were straight,” she said. “I cut you out to try and get over you.”

 

“I’m honestly not sure what I am,” Akari said, thoughtfully. “I’ve never dated anyone. I—I don’t know if I’ve ever even liked anyone that way.”

 

“We can forget I ever said anything,” Prati said, her heart sinking. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or—”

 

“You haven’t,” Akari assured her. “I’m glad you told me. I was worried it was because of something I’d done.”

 

Well, it was because of something she had done: be stupidly, unfairly attractive.

 

• Prati suggests Akari might be ace, and after reading up and taking some gay quizzes, Akari thinks she might be right. She still feels very conflicted about it, but is relieved to have a label and know she isn’t abnormal for feeling that way.
• Prati is a bit disappointed Akari doesn’t like her back, but decides that being friends is better than cutting herself off from Akari and drowning in gay despair.

“I’m sorry to kick you into the friend zone. Like I said—it’s not personal. If I was gay, I bet I’d be totally into you.”

 

“It’s okay, I get it,” Prati said, with a chuckle. “Thanks for not hating me.”

 

“No problem.”

 

“Can I go back to sleep now?”

 

“Yeah. Night-night, Prati.”

 

“Sleep well, Tikka Masala.”

 

 

Kai’s backstory: (tw SA)

 

Spoiler

• In a flashback, we learn about Kai’s first relationship back in Kyoto. He was 14, and got with a 17 year old skateboarder dude called Ren.
• His friend warned him against it, since Ren was way older, but Kai was too caught up in the relationship to listen. Ren had defended Kai from bullies in the past. Kai idolised him.
• Ren turned out to be emotionally manipulative, got Kai into underage drinking, and always controlled when and where they met. On valentine’s day, he smuggled Kai into a gay nightclub illegally. Kai was feeling anxious and uncomfortable. Ren got drunk and made out with Kai without consent. Kai pulled himself away, locked himself in a bathroom, and when he emerged, he caught Ren making out with a girl in the nightclub.
• He ran away, horrified, and called his sister for help. His sister took Kai back to her university dorm room. When she found out what had happened, she called Ren on Kai’s phone and told him that if he ever went near Kai again, she’d call the police and tell them how he sexually assaulted a 14 year old boy.
• Afterwards, Kai cut off ties with Ren, but he still carries the trauma to this day.
• Now, Kai is horrified by what he’s done. He got drunk at the year 11 disco and kissed Jerry without asking first, which is basically what Ren did to him. He feels like a monster.
• His mum catches him upset, and guesses what’s happened. She comforts him, and Kai cries himself to sleep. (so much angst my god.)

 

The library kiss:

 

Spoiler

• The morning after the disco, Jerry once again goes to Toby for advice. Toby tells Jerry to follow his gay heart and tell Kai how he feels.
• Jerry asks to meet up with Kai outside the town library. There, he confesses his feelings, and they kiss properly this time.
• As they pull apart, Jerry catches Ferne watching them, a pile of library books in her arms, her eyes wide in horror.
• Jerry tries to run after her and apologise, but Ferne is too fast for him. She disappears into the bus and has a panic attack.
• She’s helped out by another passenger. Someone with dark skin and colourful eyeshadow. It’s none other than… Zev! (Toby’s Tinder boyfriend.)
• Ferne goes to Prati’s house afterwards to tell her about what she witnessed. Prati doesn’t seem at all surprised, and Ferne comes to realise that Prati already knows about Jerry and Kai, and never told her. She feels betrayed, and storms off.

 

Friendship drama:

 

Spoiler

• On Monday, Ferne misses her usual bus with Prati, and gets a later one. This isn’t specifically to avoid Prati – more because she’s starting to spiral into depression again and has trouble getting out of bed.
• When Ferne gets to school, she won’t talk to Jerry, and sits next to Ashley in the form room instead. She has an argument with Prati at lunchtime, claiming Prati is “taking Jerry’s side”. Prati is fuming and says that she’s not taking anyone’s side, and she doesn’t want to be involved in this drama anymore. She tells Ferne to call her back when she’s sorted things out with Jerry, and goes to sit with Akari and Kai instead.
• At lunchtime, Jerry attempts to talk to Ferne. Cue this angsty dialogue that I can’t believe came out of my brain:

“For months, you’ve had this huge crush on him.” Her words were filled with bitterness. “Since before we even started dating. You liked him, not me. So, when I asked you out, why did you say yes? Explain it to me, Jerry. Why did you say yes?”

 

I said yes because I thought I liked you. I said yes because you mean the world to me and I didn’t want to let you down. I said yes because I was afraid to like him.

 

Jerry rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know,” he said, uselessly. “I was really confused, Ferne.”

 

“That isn’t an excuse. You could’ve waited until you were less confused. Instead, you said yes—you kept on saying yes, for two months. Then, afterwards, you didn’t even have the guts to end it properly. You asked me for a ‘break’. I asked you if you were into someone else, and you lied to my face.”

 

“I didn’t lie,” Jerry said weakly. “You asked if I was interested in another girl.”

 

Ferne’s cheeks reddened. “You knew full well what I meant. And don’t act like twisting the truth makes it okay. Because that’s what you do, Jerry. You con your way through everything. And I thought I could see through it, but you had me fooled, too. You and your stupid pretence. You tricked me into believing that you had feelings for me—that I wasn’t being an idiot for letting myself fall in lo—” She cut off the word abruptly. The unfinished syllable hung in the air like the ringing of a gunshot.

 

“I thought you cared about me,” Ferne continued quietly, staring at the dirt. “Instead, you were just using me. You were too scared to admit that you had a crush on a boy, so you kept on dating me. I was a pawn in your game of pretend. It didn’t matter to you that my feelings for you are just as real as yours are for him.” Finally, she looked up to face him, her green-eyed stare unwavering. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

 

The bullet from the gun found its target. It drove deep into Jerry’s heart.

 

Ferne had read him like one of her library books. He couldn’t contradict any of it. Everything was right, except—

 

“I do care about you,” Jerry said, his voice breaking. “I know I lied. I made a ton of mistakes. But I never meant to hurt you.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ferne. Truly, I am. I don’t know what else to say.”

 

“Don’t say anything,” Ferne said. “I don’t want you to talk to me. I want you to stay away from now on.”

 

“Ferne,” Jerry said. He stared at her in denial. Pleading. Begging.

 

“I can’t trust you anymore. Not after what you did. I’m sorry, Jerry.”

 

• Jerry is torn apart with guilt. He goes to Kai’s form room. Cue even more angsty dialogue. (For context, everyone in their form knows Jerry and Ferne have broken up, and Jerry has been standing up to homophobes in their year recently, which has made him a target for scrutiny.)

“I can’t be with you, Kai,” he blurted. “I’m sorry.”

 

Kai didn’t argue. He didn’t beg. All he said, in his timid, quiet voice, was, “Okay.”

 

Jerry felt the need to explain, anyway. It was the very least he could do. “This isn’t because Ferne’s making me. And, Lord knows, it’s not because of you, Kai. I just need time alone to deal with this. People in my year, they’re talking about me and Ferne. Apparently, there are rumours going around. About me. About my sexuality. I can’t let you get dragged into that.”

 

“I don’t mind coming out,” Kai whispered.

 

Jerry dropped his eyes to the floor. Kai didn’t deserve him. He deserved someone better. Someone who wasn’t terrified of his own sexuality. Someone who could navigate a relationship without majorly screwing up.

 

I’m still scared to be with you. Even now.

 

“I don’t want you to have to come out because of me,” Jerry said. “I know this isn’t fair on you. I wish it wasn’t like this. But I got myself into this mess, and—and I need to get myself out of it, before I make things worse. I think it’s best if we end it here.”

 

I don’t want to hurt you like I hurt Ferne. I don’t want to carry on hurting Ferne.

 

Kai nodded slowly, his expression eerily calm. “We can still be friends, right?” he asked.

 

They’d tried being friends, and it hadn’t worked—Jerry hadn’t been able to control himself. He shook his head. “I’m sorry—I can’t. I’m mad for you, Kai. Can’t stop thinking about you. I won’t be able to ignore my feelings unless you let me stay away. Completely.”

 

The calm facade shattered. Devastation flooded Kai’s face. It made Jerry want to cry.

 

“Maths desk partners, then?” Kai said, eventually.

 

“Yeah. Maths desk partners.”

 

The bell rang, and they parted ways. On the way back to his form room, Jerry stopped by the waste-bin. The empty Muji pen was still cradled in his hand. Before thinking twice, he threw it in the bin and strode away, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

 

• So the OG trio has shattered. Ferne is depressed and completely alone. Jerry starts hanging out with Tim and Derrick, an openly gay couple in his form, but he’s not doing well either.
• Prati becomes tight with Akari and Kai. She invites Akari along to Taekwondo. Akari has no talent for it whatsoever, and is embarrassed being a chubby unfit girl in a class full of younger kids, but is determined to try her best.
• After training, Prati catches Akari staying behind to watch her spar. She’s currently losing, but seeing Akari is enough to give her the determination she needs, and she knocks her opponent down with a roundhouse kick. Akari is platonically in love. She takes Prati to get bubble tea afterwards. The Taekwondo training + bubble tea platonic date soon becomes a regular thing for the two of them.

 

Ferne hits rock bottom: (tw depression, sh)

 

Spoiler

• I wrote a diary entry for Ferne while she’s going through depression, and will paste in part of it because reading it back now kind of breaks my heart.

Dear Amadeus,

 

(…)

So, I haven’t told Mum anything. Not about Prati and Jerry. Not about my mock results, which were all abysmal. Not about the fact that... I think I might be ill again.

 

I know I should tell someone. Prati and Jerry always insisted that they’d be there to support me whenever I needed it. But, that was before. When we were still friends. I’ve thought about talking to them, but it feels too awkward. Do promises hold when friendships break? Would they still support me now?

 

I guess, a part of me hoped that I wouldn’t have to do the reaching out. That one of them might notice, and... Ask if I was okay. But that hasn’t happened. It probably won’t ever happen. They’ve both moved on. They’ve got new friends. They’re happy. It was stupid of me to believe that they’d bother to pay any attention to me after I pulled myself out of their lives. I don’t think they even miss me.

 

Maybe I should try to reach out to them anyway. But I’m scared, Amadeus. I’m scared that they’ll push me away, like I did to them. And I don’t think I could bear it.

 

(…)

 

Love always,

Ferne

 

• Ferne is in the school library, using books as her coping mechanism again. When she leaves, she notices Jerry hanging out with two boys in their year. At first, she’s bitter, thinking about how much better he is at making friends than her. But then she realises that the two boys are cornering him and bullying him for being gay.
• She realises that Jerry’s having a hard time too, and decides that offering a helping hand is easier than reaching out for it. She tries approaching him, but it doesn’t go well:

“I—saw what happened just now. On the first floor landing,” Ferne tried.

 

When Jerry turned to face her this time, his eyes were cold, hard. “I’m fine,” he repeated tersely.

 

“Are you sure?” Ferne pressed. “Because—it looked they were bullying you. And I understand how that feels—”

 

“Do you?” Jerry said quietly, leaning back against the display board. He didn’t meet her eyes. “Are you queer, Ferne?”

 

The question took her by surprise. “I—don’t think so?”

 

“Ever been afraid your parents will shun you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Ever been called slurs for things you can’t control?”

 

Ferne stared at the ruddy-brown skin of his cheek, a knot twisting in her stomach. “No.”

 

Jerry gave a horrible, sad laugh. “Then you don’t understand. So don’t waste your effort trying.”

 

“Jerry,” Ferne pleaded. “I just want to help—”

 

“Now? After pretending I didn’t exist for the past month?” He looked at her once more. “I did what you asked, Ferne. I stayed away from you. I left you alone. You could at least do the same for me.”

 

• Distraught, Ferne shuts herself into a toilet cubicle and self harms for the first time in ages.
• As she leaves, Jerry bumps into her and notices her injuries. The blood drains from his face. He insists on taking Ferne to the medical room and helping her clean up the wounds.
• In the medical room, Jerry starts crying and apologises for what he said to Ferne this morning – he was angry at the boys who were bullying him and took it out on her. He cares about her and explains that he has completely stopped seeing Kai because he doesn’t want to hurt her more than he already did.
• Ferne feels numb. She has so little self-worth at this point that she tells Jerry that he shouldn’t have done that, because she’s not worth it. She also says she’s a burden, and other worrying comments. Then she leaves.
• The next morning, Ferne’s mum notices the self-harm and keeps Ferne home from school for a mental health day, and also to see a doctor about her depression.
• When Ferne doesn’t show up for school after her worrying comments the day before, Jerry is terrified. He texts Ferne throughout the day, but she doesn’t answer. He then asks Prati to text Ferne, who also doesn’t get any response.

12:35 pm

 

Prati: Fernandoooo? Gerard’s bugging me again. Please reply to him already and put me out of my misery.

 

12:38 pm

 

Prati: Ferne. Gerard’s crying now for some reason. Please help. I don’t know how to handle crying people.

 

12:43 pm

 

Prati: Something’s really wrong, Ferne. Jerry’s in pieces. Like, I know he’s a sensitive idiot but seriously, this is anxiety attack level. He keeps saying it’s his fault. He’s worrying himself sick over you. Please tell me what’s going on.

 

12:56 pm

 

Prati: So Jerry told me you’ve been self harming and you said some scary things yesterday. Don’t get mad at him. I kinda forced him to spill the beans. But Ferne, please talk to me. I need to know if you’re OK.

Prati: I really care about you. I know I’ve been terrible at showing it, lately, but I do. We both do.

Prati: Hello?

Prati: Ferne?

 

1:27 pm

 

Prati: Ferne, if we don’t hear from you by the end of the school day, Jerry and I are coming over to your house to check on you.

Prati: (I will kick down the door if I have to.)

 

“Oh God,” Ferne muttered, rubbing her face in her hands. With fumbling fingers, she rushed a message to Prati.

 

2:12 pm

 

Ferne: calm down prati i’m still alive. sorry for not replying. my mum let me take a day off and didn’t want me on my phone. i was busy watching 101 dalmations lol.

 

• After texting Prati, Ferne tells jerry she’s ok. He sneaks out of his maths lesson to call her. Ferne tells him she’s getting treatment and things are looking up.
• After that day, Ferne starts getting the bus with Prati again, and sitting next to Jerry in the form room. Things don’t get better immediately, but the important thing is that she has a support system now.

 

Match-making:

 

Spoiler

• Ferne and Jerry are on good terms again. Ferne realises that Jerry is has also had terrible mental health lately, and convinces him to see the school counsellor. He, on the other hand, convinces her to rejoin drama club and do the school musical with him. (because they’re both theatre kids. Is anyone surprised?)
• They audition for mr brightside’s not-strictly legal production of PG waitress. Jerry gets a side role (ogie) and ferne is the understudy for two of the leads (jenna and dawn).
• During this time, Ferne notices that Jerry still has massive heart eyes for Kai, who’s doing set design, but Jerry keeps trying to deny it because he doesn’t want to upset Ferne.
• Ferne asks Prati about what Kai’s like, who tells her that Kai is an anxious bean who literally wouldn’t talk to anyone except Akari, until Jerry started tutoring him English and brought him out of his shell.
• Ferne had always resented Kai, thinking he was this confident attractive dude, and now she’s realised they are both anxious disasters and actually not that different. (clearly jerry has a type…). And she’s also proud of jerry for helping Kai out when he was struggling.
• She comes up with a plan to get them back together, and recruits Prati and Akari to help her.
• At lunchtime, Ferne tells Jerry to meet her on a bench beneath the sycamore trees. It goes like this:

“Why did you want to come here?” asked Jerry.

 

“I wanted to ask you something.”

 

“Okay?” he said, drawing out the word with caution.

 

“If you could go somewhere nice this weekend, where would you go?”

 

Jerry laughed in confusion. “What? Why are you asking me this?”

 

“I’m making friendly conversation!”

 

He lifted his eyes to the canopy thoughtfully. “Barbados.”

 

Ferne suppressed a sigh. This wasn’t going in the direction she’d planned. “Somewhere local, Jerry.”

 

“Oh. Probably down to the beach. I could take Mara for a walk.”

 

“Great.” Ferne gave his blazer sleeve a pat. “Now you’ve got an idea for your first date.”

 

“Wait—what?” Jerry looked even more confused. “What are you talking about?”

 

Just then, there was the rustle of leaves and the noise of snapping twigs. Akari entered the grove, dragging a bewildered Kai along with her. Ferne shot her a grin. Perfect timing.

 

Jerry looked at Ferne, gobsmacked. “What’s going on?” he hissed. “You didn’t just—“

 

“Curry, Prati and I think you should give him another chance,” she whispered back.

 

Ferne rose from the bench and patted the wood. “Take a seat, Kai. Jerry’s got something to ask you.”

 

• That’s when Jerry asks Kai out on their first date.
• Kai leaves the first date entirely in Jerry’s hands. Jerry takes him for a walk with Mara, and Kai is delighted when they end up at the beach. (Basically heartstopper, except it’s winter, the sky is grey, and literally no one is there because no one’s crazy enough to visit the beach in winter. Except jerry, apparently.)
• Kai is hardcore and goes into the sea because he loves water. He tricks Jerry into joining him. They kiss. Cue sappy fanfiction moment.

Pulling apart was like breaking his head through the water’s surface. Suddenly, Kai’s senses overwhelmed him. Jerry’s fingers were looped around his neck, frozen icicles against his skin. “Your hands are so cold,” Kai murmured with a shudder.

 

“I know,” Jerry said breathlessly. “So are yours.”

 

Kai grabbed Jerry’s stiffened hands and brought them to his lips, blowing warm air onto them. Once his fingers were supple, Jerry pulled Kai’s hands over towards his own lips. But, instead of returning the favour, he kissed the back of Kai’s hand, again and again.

 

“That’s not really helping,” Kai said, smiling. His hands were just as cold as before, but his cheeks had warmed up, probably because of the blood rushing to them.

 

“No?” Jerry murmured into Kai’s hand. Kai couldn’t see his mouth, but his merry eyes and round dimples gave away his shameless grin.

 

“Do you want to head back now?” Kai suggested. They were never going to escape the cold by staying in the water. Not to mention, Mara’s lead had been tied to a shoreside rock, out of reach of the sea, and she was bleating at Jerry, sounding rather bereft.

 

“Good idea,” Jerry agreed. “Before my sheep gets too jealous.”

 

• They get dry and warm back at Jerry’s farmhouse. Jerry makes Kai a cup of tea. They’re silly and affectionate until Jerry’s parents walk in and he freezes. Later, in his bedroom, Jerry tells Kai about his parents. Kai’s heart breaks for Jerry. He offers the solution of snogging at his house instead, since his mum is chill.
• There is also this delightful moment when they try to kiss in Jerry’s bedroom:

The gap between their foreheads closed. The one between their lips was about to follow. But, suddenly, there was a click of the doorknob and they tore apart, scooting to opposite sides of the bed. Benji loped in and tumbled onto his own bed, nose buried in his game console.

 

Does he know? Kai mouthed at Jerry.

 

Jerry shook his head. Aloud, he muttered, “I bloody hate sharing a room, sometimes.”

 

“So do I,” Benji piped.

 

“Well, at least we can agree on something.”

 

At last, Benji looked up from his game console and peered at Kai suspiciously. “Why’s he wearing your clothes?”

 

“Because my clothes are the height of fashion.”

 

Benji returned to his game, but not without nonchalantly singing, “Two bros, chillin’ in a hot tub—” His voice was muffled when Jerry lobbed a well-aimed pillow at his face.

 

• They are basically boyfriends at this point, and are absurdly sweet with each other.
• At school, in maths, they swap seats at their desk, so Jerry is now sitting on the right. Jerry tells the teacher it’s because he’s right handed and Kai’s left handed. Really, it’s so they can hold hands beneath the table while they work.
• Jerry finds out that Kai’s favourite flower is a sunflower, so he gets him a bunch of sunflowers on valentine’s day and shoves it in Kai’s locker. Kai, with his mum’s help, makes some chocolates that look like sheep. Jerry claims they’re too beautiful to eat.

 

Note: This is as far as I’ve written. The rest is copied from my planning document. It’s kind of a mess, and a complete jumble of ideas. If I was inclined to actually write it, I’d definitely tone down the homophobia because in retrospect I think it’s way too angsty and unnecessary for the story, but for now, this is what I had in mind.

 

The TSTMS squad assemble: (tw homophobia, violence)

 

Spoiler

• Jerry and Kai go on a valentine’s date in town after school.
• Akari invites Prati and Ferne on a “galentine’s date” so they don’t have to be sad and single. They bump into Jerry and Kai in town and collectively decide to go play laser tag.
• At first, they play against each other, girls vs boys. Prati’s team wins, because she’s a savage. Jerry brings down his team’s downfall by accidentally shooting kai multiple times.
• Afterwards, a new group of teens arrive, who are older and thuggish. The squad band together to beat this group at laser tag.
• While the girls are actually taking it seriously, Ferne catches Jerry and Kai hiding in the shadows, busy being lovey dovey with each other. Ferne rolls her eyes, but decides to let them be since it is valentine’s day and all.
• As Jerry leans in for a kiss, he’s bombarded with shots from the other team. But they don’t stop there. They keep closing in until they have Jerry pressed against the railing with the laser gun at his sternum. They shove Kai to the ground.
• Ferne realises in horror that it’s a homophobic attack, and calls Prati for backup.
• Prati yells at them to back off. When they don’t, she slams one guy to the ground and threatens to dislocate his arm. Finally, he gives in and tells his cronies to back off.
• Prati releases him, but as she does, he grabs his laser gun and tries to bash it into her face. Prati deflects it, but not before it knocks off her glasses, which clatter to the floor, smashed.
• Akari screams and uses her beginner Taekwondo training to completely deck the guy. Prati didn’t think it was possible to fall more in love with this girl, but she does, even if her vision is currently kind of blurred.
• Jerry and kai are badly shaken, so Akari takes them all back to her house, which is closest. They reflect on what happened, and decide that they’ll stick together as a group and stick up for each other no matter what. (bc nothing brings characters together like shared trauma, amirite?)

 

The school musical (aka illegal waitress):

 

Spoiler

• On the final night of the not-strictly legal PG production of Waitress, the girl playing the lead gets ill, and Ferne has to step in as Jenna. This means she gets to since She Used to be Mine, which is the most heart-wrenching song ever, and Jerry is literally in the wings crying.
• Plus she kisses this dude in year 12 who plays her love interest. Jerry and Kai both agree afterwards that he is extremely hot. And ferne might have a lil crush, even if she knows nothing will come of it. But it’s a good sign, she thinks. It means she’s starting to move on.
• It’s Jerry’s birthday, and was also Akari’s birthday the day before. To celebrate, the squad go for a cheeky nandos.
• Afterwards, Kai asks Jerry if he’d be interested in going to year 11 prom with him.
• Jerry’s afraid to ask his parents, and Kai assures him that he doesn’t have to go if it’s going to be difficult for him. But Jerry really wants to go to prom with Kai, so he tells Kai he’ll think about asking them.

 

Jerry’s parents suck, as usual:

 

Spoiler

• Jerry comes out to Benji and Zach first. Benji isn’t surprised in the slightest. Zach is concerned because of what happened to Toby, but tells Jerry he’ll have his back whatever happens.
• At the dinner table, Jerry brings up the idea of going to prom with Kai. He doesn’t mention that they’re dating, but it’s enough for his parents to know. They immediately dismiss the topic.
• Jerry is crestfallen, and thinks that’s the end of it. But, one they finish dinner, Jerry’s dad dismisses Zach and Benji from the table and tells Toby and Jerry to stay.
• The parents tiredly tell Jerry that his behaviour is ridiculous and a phase he needs to grow out of. Then they have a go at Toby for brainwashing Jerry into following his lifestyle.
• Toby is furious. But, before he gets a chance to say anything, Jerry loses it. “It’s you who have brainwashed me. When I found out I was like this, I hated myself. I hated myself. And the only reason I don’t hate myself anymore is because of toby.”
• Then he storms out of the house and calls Kai, asking to come over. He manages to get the bus into town, then walks the rest of the way in the pouring rain.
• When he reaches Kai’s house, he immediately collapses into him, trembling. Kai gets him changed into dry clothes. (These boys are always sharing clothes, this is a trope I will live and die by.)
• Kai’s mum pops in and asks if there’s anything Jerry needs. Jerry says no because he already feels bad for intruding. Kai says something to his mum in Japanese, and she returns with a hot water bottle for Jerry. Kai knows that Jerry finds them comforting.
• At this point, Jerry breaks down into tears. Kai’s mum is concerned, and starts feeling his forehead, asking if he’s ill. Jerry says that he’s fine. He just wasn’t expecting the kindness.
• He spends the next few hours cuddling with Kai and Yuki on Kai’s bed, watching a comfort movie.
• Eventually, Toby rolls up outside Kai’s house. He tells Jerry they need to go home. Jerry flat out refuses, but Toby’s patience is wearing thin. When Jerry ran away, their parents took out their anger on Toby, so he is not in a good mood. He tells Jerry to get in the truck, because he’ll only make the situation worse for both of them by not coming back.
• While Jerry was away, Toby managed to negotiate a deal with their parents. Jerry will have his phone confiscated for a week. For the next two weeks, he has to work on the farm before and after school, so he can’t visit Kai.
• Jerry complains that this is terribly unfair, and it just an excuse for his parents to make him do unpaid labour.
• Toby can’t disagree with this, but he tells Jerry that the punishment is for him running away, so isn’t entirely baseless. Their parents can’t be won over by an argument, and Jerry’s best chance of going to prom will be to keep his head down and just do the work.

 

“I love you”:

 

Spoiler

• Since Jerry’s phone has been confiscated, Kai doesn’t hear from him all weekend, and is really anxious.
• On Monday, Jerry bursts into his form room before registration and hugs him tightly. He’s had a difficult weekend and wants a hug so badly that he doesn’t care that people might see them.
• He explains about his punishment and then asks if he can kiss Kai.
• Kai knows that people are watching them at this point, and he isn’t really out (he hasn’t hid it from anyone, he just barely talks to people and no one has ever asked him). But Jerry has a desperate look in his eyes, so Kai says yes, and they kiss deeply, against the lockers.
• There is a lot of whispering, and yells of  “what the ***?” “Is that Adams snogging anime-Boy?” “so Adams is gay, I knew it”, “Did he turn The Mute gay, or was he always gay?”, “get a room, homos”.
• And then Prati snaps, “one more word and I will knock every tooth out of your brainless, bigoted skulls.”
• Jerry breaks away from Kai because the bell is ringing, and walks past the crowd, ignoring them. Then, as he’s leaving, he flips them off elegantly.
• Spruce comes in and sees Jerry with his middle finger up. “Excuse me, young man, get back here!” She says, and Jerry pelts off.
• Spruce asks the class for a name. Prati shoots dagger eyes at everyone, and no one says a word. There are meek mumbles of “I dunno miss.”
• Then, Fintan (the bully from chapter 1) approaches Kai, and Kai tenses up. “So, you’re gay?” he asks. Kai nods. Fintan slaps him hard on the back. “Good on ya, mate,” he says, sincerely, and sits back down.

 

• For the next two weeks, Jerry works morning and night on the farm. He is shattered at school, and keeps falling asleep on desks.
• Jerry becomes twice as clingy when tired, and Kai finds himself getting hugged every time he passes Jerry in the school corridors. He’s not about to complain about the affection, but it makes him concerned.

 

• One lunchtime, the squad are eating together in the canteen and Jerry is practically nodding off. He jolts himself awake and, even though he’s barely eaten anything, goes to scrape his plate.
• “I’m worried about him,” Ferne says to Kai. “He’s tired all day. Keeps on falling asleep on our desk at lunchtimes.”
• “I have an idea,” Kai says, quietly. When Jerry returns, Kai takes his arm and says he wants to take Jerry somewhere.
• Jerry whines in protest, saying he’s too tired. Then, when Kai insists, Jerry murmurs. “Fine. Just—let me get a coffee or something.”
• “You won’t need one,” Kai says, ushering Jerry along. He stops by his locker to get his coat, which makes Jerry confused.
• “Are we going outside, somewhere?” he asks.
• Kai takes Jerry inside the PE storage room, where there is a large, foamy, high jump crash mat. “This will be more comfortable to sleep on than the desk,” he tells Jerry.
• “I love your thinking,” Jerry says, sprawling himself on the squishy mat. Kai draped his coat over Jerry as a blanket, then climbs on, scooting over so Jerry can lie his head on his lap. “You don’t have to stay. It’ll be so boring for you,” Jerry says.
• Kai fondles his curly hair. “I want to stay,” he says. “Go to sleep.”
• Every time Jerry is having a particularly rough day, Kai takes him to the crash mat and stays with him while he takes a nap. But, after the nth time, after Jerry stirs awake and blinks up at Kai with big, round eyes, Kai asks how many hours Jerry’s working. Jerry says that he’s usually done by evening but went out last night at midnight because of a ewe giving birth. Kai is horrified that Jerry’s father is making him work that much and tells him that he should stop. Prom isn’t worth it, and Kai doesn’t want to see Jerry go through this.
• “My dad doesn’t make me work past dinnertime,” Jerry says. “He’s not that cruel. I do more out of choice.”
• “Why?” Kai says, baffled.
• “Because I’m as stubborn as my parents. And I want to prove a point to them,” Jerry says.
• “What point is there to prove?”
• “That I love you.”
• Silence. “You do?” Kai says, blown away.
• Jerry nods. “My parents think it’s a phase. But it’s not. I love you. And I’ll work all day and all night if that’s what it takes for them to believe me.”
• Kai touches Jerry’s cheek. “I love you too.”
• At this, Jerry grabs Kai and pulls him down on the crash mat, and they start making out.
• Suddenly, there’s a noise outside the storage room, and Jerry rolls off the crash mat and pulls Kai with him. “Get down,” he hisses. The PE teacher walks in and sees the coat left on the mat. He walks up to it, confused, then calls out, “Paz, did you leave a coat in the storage room?”
• “No?” says a voice. “It’s probably one of the kids.”
• “Guess it’s going in lost property then.”
• Jerry and Kai are trying not to burst out sniggering.

 

The promposal:

 

Spoiler

• Jerry works for two weeks, and then a third week. And, finally, his father presents him with an envelope. “You’ve worked hard, son. That’s your prom ticket. You can borrow one of your brother’s suits and get Toby to drive you there.”
• Jerry calmly thanks his dad. Then he sprints up to Toby’s bedroom and gives him a hug, because he knows that this wouldn’t have happened without Toby. Toby is elated for Jerry, but quickly turns serious. “This isn’t over, though. You know that, right? We’ll still have to keep on pushing for them to accept us.”
• “I know,” Jerry says. “One step at a time, right?”
• He calls Kai to tell him the news, and Kai is ecstatic.
• The next morning, Jerry sees a yellow post-it on his desk, with a clue, in Kai’s handwriting. He’s very confused. Ferne is watching him gleefully.
• Jerry figures out the clue, and finds the next one. And the next. Ferne is trailing him the whole time, excited, and explains that she’s there to make sure he doesn’t mess up.
• Finally, the clues lead to the drama department. Kai is in the empty drama studio. Ferne waits by the door and tells Jerry to go in. When he does, Kai presents him with a bunch of six balloons, one for each Pride colour (like in his drawing), and says, “Will you go to prom with me?”
• Jerry is gobsmacked, then pulls Kai into a kiss. “Oh my gosh, you’re ridiculous,” he says, between kisses.
• “You still haven’t answered my question.”
• Jerry stares at him. “Nah, I don’t really fancy it.”
• Kai raises his eyebrows. “Well, I guess you won’t be wanting these then.” And takes back the balloons.
• “No, no, no,” Jerry says, laughing. “Give them back! Kaiii, come on, you know I was joking!” They chase each other, grappling for the balloons, while Ferne watches her two idiots, lovingly.
• Jerry ties them to his rucksack and goes around school the whole day with them, to his teachers’ annoyance. Multiple random people say “happy birthday” and those who know his birthday was in April ask him what the balloons are for.
• Jerry says a different answer each time. “My quarter birthday”, “my great aunt Margaret’s wedding anniversary”, “I’m cosplaying as Russell from Up”. And then, when Mr Brightside tells him off and threatens to confiscate them, Jerry tells the truth, “they were a promposal gift from my boyfriend.”
• And then, mr Brightside smiles and lets him off. “Tell your boyfriend he has good taste in colour.”

 

Prati’s accident and promposal 2.0:

 

Spoiler

• Prati has a big taekwondo competition and the squad come along to support her.
• She wins the competiton, but afterwards, in excitement, does a high kick and trips onto the road, just as a motorbike comes whizzing past. She gets thrown across the road and lands, crumpled, shattering her leg. They call an ambulance. Akari and Ferne are freaking out, but Prati is a bamf and is pretty zen about the fact that her leg is shattered. She’s just excited for the gas and air.
• Prati’s leg needs operation so she’s stuck in the hospital for a while. When the severity of the injury hits her, she cries a little (even though she rarely ever cries). She might have ruined her career.
• But she is determined, and works incredibly hard in physio. Her leg heals better than the doctors were expecting, and things are looking hopeful.
• Akari, Ferne, Jerry and Kai visit her often, bringing her schoolwork and sitting and revising for GCSEs with her. (Jerry’s still grounded at this point, but his parents make an exception for Prati.)

 

• Akari asks her dad to take her out prom dress shopping. He tells her to just browse online and pick one to order, but she says she wants to go trying them on, and she doesn’t have a mum who will do it with her. He relents.
• They spend a day in town and she tries lots, but they either don’t fit her or are too expensive. Defeated, she returns and tells her grandma that she couldn’t find one. Her grandma (Bà nôi) decides to show her up to the loft where some of her mums old clothes have been kept.
• Bà nôi takes out a deep red áo dài (Vietnamese traditional dress), hand embroidered, that her mum wore at her wedding. It’s pretty but Akari thinks it would be weird to wear her mum’s wedding dress to prom.
• Instead, she picks out a graceful, light pink áo dài, that was a present from her dad when they were dating. Her mum wore it every tết. Akari tries it on and it almost fits perfectly, but is a bit long. Bà nôi promises to tailor it. She says that all Akari needs now is a prom date. Akari has an idea. She contacts Kai, Jerry and Ferne.

 

• Prati’s nurse  takes her down to the hospital café and says that she has a guest waiting for her. And the guest has requested that Prati wears a panda beanie hat. She is wheeled down and sits waiting, confused.
• Suddenly, the Kung fu panda music starts playing. Akari bursts out from behind a table wearing a tiger onesie and doing taekwondo moves. Then, Ferne, Jerry and Kai follow. Ferne is the snake, Jerry is the monkey, and Kai is wearing a conical hat and is supposed to be the bird. Mantis is duct taped onto someone’s shoulder. (For context, Kung Fu panda was prati’s fav childhood movie, and tigress was her lesbian awakening.)
• They dance a disastrously choreographed routine to the Kung fu panda music. Prati sits there losing her sh*t, while the nurse records.
• At the end, Jerry, Ferne and Prati lift up signs spelling “PROM?” while Akari says, “Prati Bindra, will you be the naan bread to my Curry?”
• Prati leaps out of her wheelchair and lifts up Akari on one leg. “F*** YES.” Then rambles about how Akari’s been so extra and that promposals are for Americans.
• They find out that Kai and Jerry are also going to prom together. Then Akari asks Ferne if she wants to come. Ferne is embarrassed and says they don’t have to invite her just because they feel bad. Prati tells her to stop being silly, and says that she wants to have her best friend at her prom.

 

The summer ft. GCSEs, prom and pride:

 

Spoiler

 

• It’s GCSE time. Prati, Akari and Kai are stressed. Jerry joins them for maths and further maths.
• On the day of their final exams, they come out wearily to see Ferne and Jerry waiting with a bag of water pistols. They go to the park and have a massive water pistol fight in celebration.
• Soon, it’s prom. The girls all get ready together. Akari does her and Ferne’s makeup. Prati wears a purple tuxedo. Ferne wears a mint green floaty dress with princess sleeves.
• (When Jerry sees her, he thinks she looks beautiful. And he doesn’t comment on it, but he knows how much courage it took for Ferne to wear short sleeves and reveal the scars on her arms, and he thinks she is even more beautiful for that.)
• Jerry and Kai are looking pretty dapper in their suits, but Akari decides their outfits need more spice, and paints them matching rainbow nails.
• Toby drives them all there in his truck.
• They all have a blast. A lot of dancing is involved. At one point, the students ask the DJ to play Mr Brightside, and Mr Brightside the teacher seizes the opportunity to get down on the dance floor.
• At some point, Akari takes Prati aside and explains that she’s in love with her. Not in the romantic kind of way. But she feels more strongly towards Prati than she has towards anyone else before, and she thinks that must be love, right?
• Prati grins and says that she’s been in love with Akari the moment she laid eyes on her.
• (They later get together as a queerplatonic couple y’all.)
• I’m not entirely sure how I want to end this story, but I reckon it’ll involve the squad (plus Toby and Zev, who are now in a committed relationship – we love that for them) going to pride and just being happy together <3

 

 

So, in summary, Jerry and Kai get together, Prati and Akari get together queerplatonically, Ferne comes to terms with breaking up with Jerry and finds herself with a bunch of new besties. They are here, they are (mostly) queer, and they are living their best lives.

 

Since this thread basically doubles up as my blog, the amount I ramble on here, I wanted to make my goodbye post here too. This forum has genuinely been my online home throughout the past (almost) 8 years. I've met such wonderful people and made some unforgettable memories. (Some of the drama feels like a fever dream, I won't lie, but it was entertaining while it lasted and I will look back on it fondly along with all the other good stuff xD). Not to mention, my hamster care has improved dramatically, and it's thanks to HH that my hamsters were spared from living their entire lives in crittertrails.

 

I think the thing that kept me sticking around on HH was the genuine kindness I saw from all across the forum. I'm a shy person in real life. I wouldn't have interacted the amount I did if I didn't believe I'd be met with acceptance and understanding. You are all wonderful. Thank you truly from the bottom of my heart.

 

Lastly, my discord username if anyone wants to find me: midget7#1971

 

Big loves to you all, and wishing you all the best for the future! xx